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dreams of artistree
Can you give up on a dream?
No, I don't think it's advisable to talk yourself out of your dream. It's possible and sometimes necessary, but I think much depends on how rigorously you've pursued a career in music. If you can honestly say you've done all you can do to become a performer, composer, what have you, and things haven't work out the way you've imagined they would, then I think you can make your music your avocation or hobby without regret. Keep in mind, though, you aren't even thirty years old yet, so you're hardly washed up. You may be experiencing the on-set of the navel-gazing and tea-leaf reading that happens to us when we move from our twenties into our thirties. I don't want to patronize you; that was my experience, FWIW.
I think making yourself your business is the challenge of any career in the arts. I'm an actor and a fledgling writer, and I understand this conflict all too well. I've worked a few other jobs along the way, and all of them were satisfying and certainly more lucrative to greater or lesser degrees. Still, it wasn't until I got serious about setting and pursuing my artistic goals that I started to cobble together a satisfying career as an artist.
First of all, consider what it is that you really want to do with your music. Do you want to perform? Compose? Teach? Whatever it is, identify it concretely and then ask yourself some questions. Who are your contacts in the music world? What's your training? Would more training at a better school be a good use of or waste of time? Who are your role-models or people whose careers you'd like to emulate? How did they get where they are, and what did they do that you haven't? What resources are out there that deal with the business side of music? What can I learn from those? Once you start giving structure to your dream by turning it into a set of attainable goals and milestones you've already achieved toward it, you can address the aspects of it that may be too overwhelming to think about when taken altogether. "Your dream" will seem less like some magical orb dangling out there in space just out of your grasp, and more like a satisfying way of living you come to after a rewarding, if at times arduous, journey.
Then I think you may ask yourself about the practical considerations of your life - do you have debt you have to pay? What kind of rent, bills and expenses are you responsible for? What's your standard of living? Can you live more humbly without feeling deprived? Do you want to struggle for a time, or could you be happy living with my music as a side project to your other, more lucrative chosen career? Once you've got both sides of the equation mapped out practically, then you can start to make choices. Whatever you do, choose because of what you know rather than what you fear.
Good luck.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 7:55 AM on July 14, 2007
And remember that what you DO can always change... you don't need to carve your career goals into stone. Follow your heart.
posted by loiseau at 9:00 AM on July 14, 2007
No, I don't think it's advisable to talk yourself out of your dream. It's possible and sometimes necessary, but I think much depends on how rigorously you've pursued a career in music. If you can honestly say you've done all you can do to become a performer, composer, what have you, and things haven't work out the way you've imagined they would, then I think you can make your music your avocation or hobby without regret. Keep in mind, though, you aren't even thirty years old yet, so you're hardly washed up. You may be experiencing the on-set of the navel-gazing and tea-leaf reading that happens to us when we move from our twenties into our thirties. I don't want to patronize you; that was my experience, FWIW.
I think making yourself your business is the challenge of any career in the arts. I'm an actor and a fledgling writer, and I understand this conflict all too well. I've worked a few other jobs along the way, and all of them were satisfying and certainly more lucrative to greater or lesser degrees. Still, it wasn't until I got serious about setting and pursuing my artistic goals that I started to cobble together a satisfying career as an artist.
First of all, consider what it is that you really want to do with your music. Do you want to perform? Compose? Teach? Whatever it is, identify it concretely and then ask yourself some questions. Who are your contacts in the music world? What's your training? Would more training at a better school be a good use of or waste of time? Who are your role-models or people whose careers you'd like to emulate? How did they get where they are, and what did they do that you haven't? What resources are out there that deal with the business side of music? What can I learn from those? Once you start giving structure to your dream by turning it into a set of attainable goals and milestones you've already achieved toward it, you can address the aspects of it that may be too overwhelming to think about when taken altogether. "Your dream" will seem less like some magical orb dangling out there in space just out of your grasp, and more like a satisfying way of living you come to after a rewarding, if at times arduous, journey.
Then I think you may ask yourself about the practical considerations of your life - do you have debt you have to pay? What kind of rent, bills and expenses are you responsible for? What's your standard of living? Can you live more humbly without feeling deprived? Do you want to struggle for a time, or could you be happy living with my music as a side project to your other, more lucrative chosen career? Once you've got both sides of the equation mapped out practically, then you can start to make choices. Whatever you do, choose because of what you know rather than what you fear.
Good luck.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 7:55 AM on July 14, 2007
And remember that what you DO can always change... you don't need to carve your career goals into stone. Follow your heart.
posted by loiseau at 9:00 AM on July 14, 2007
I didn't exactly abandon such dreams, but my experience might be of use to you. For me, my dreams hit a creative wall of sorts, and I realized that much of the driving force behind them was ego, not joy. I was working on music recording projects, which is a bit different than your performance dream because it is more divorced from the act of making music. I also have a lucrative day job, which is different from you.
But the bottom line is: I realized that if I was going to make music, I had to do it for the joy/pleasure/whatever or making music, not the drive to produce a great recording. The end result is that I'm not doing much musically right now, but I'm listening to a lot more music and when I do play it's fun. I'm hoping that I have the interest and opportunity to play more in the future.
posted by jstrater at 8:15 AM on July 14, 2007
This question hits home in more ways than I can express. I'm 35 and still dealing with this, so I can't pretend that I have the definitive answer. Here's what I've learned so far:
Some dreams are dreams worth turning into goals; others aren't. You may want to become a rock star (or Olympic athlete or Supreme Court justice or triple-black-belt karate badass or whatever) because you believe in the music that you are creating, you want to be the best that you can be at it, and you derive such joy and sustenance from it that you can't imagine a life without it. This dream is about what you are doing, on a day-to-day basis.
Or, you may have a fantasy of what a rock star life is all about, and you just want to be that person that exists in your fantasy life. This dream is about the fantasy that you have about being a particular kind of person.
It seems to me that the first dream is worth pursuing, because it involves doing things that satisfy you, give you joy and hope and sustenance, make this a life worth living. But the second sort of dream will always leave you dissatisfied, because even if you achieve that dream, chances are that you won't be the person that you think you were going to be. In many cases, achievement doesn't lead to satisfaction.
How do you determine what kind of dreams you have? Beats me. I'm still trying to figure that one out....
posted by googly at 4:56 PM on November 28, 2004
realism re: work http://ask.metafilter.com/241724/Who-has-second-thoughts-about-their-dream-job
But the bottom line is: I realized that if I was going to make music, I had to do it for the joy/pleasure/whatever or making music, not the drive to produce a great recording. The end result is that I'm not doing much musically right now, but I'm listening to a lot more music and when I do play it's fun. I'm hoping that I have the interest and opportunity to play more in the future.
posted by jstrater at 8:15 AM on July 14, 2007
I think the most important thing is to actually work out what your dreams are more specifically, and then figure out how to make them work, or if they won't work, what will. Do not just 'give up' on something because it hasn't fallen into your lap or something, though. First of all, many of us when we're young have vague dreams about being rich & famous as a result of some talent or other - if this is intertwined with your dreams of being a musician, you should probably try to disentangle that component from your actual trajectory of life. That's not to say you won't achieve some sort of enormous success or anything, but working with that as the aim is ultimately not the most fulfilling way to go about things anyway, so leave it to the side. Still interested? Ok.
So if you're still interested as a fundamental focus of life, you should look into careers that focus around music: teaching music, performing, mixing, recording, etc - a lot of musicians work in the industry and do their own projects on the side, e.g., which keeps them in contact with everyone, hearing new stuff all the time, etc. If you think it's more of a personal relaxation thing than the center of your life, then you can look into other areas to earn a living in, and return to music as a free and unbridled hobby, without the complications of industry & career.
posted by mdn at 9:00 AM on July 14, 2007
So if you're still interested as a fundamental focus of life, you should look into careers that focus around music: teaching music, performing, mixing, recording, etc - a lot of musicians work in the industry and do their own projects on the side, e.g., which keeps them in contact with everyone, hearing new stuff all the time, etc. If you think it's more of a personal relaxation thing than the center of your life, then you can look into other areas to earn a living in, and return to music as a free and unbridled hobby, without the complications of industry & career.
posted by mdn at 9:00 AM on July 14, 2007
don't sacrifice your life to what is in any case a fairly dubious activity, art-making being a self-aggrandizing and egotistical pursuit (look at me! aren't I clever! etc).
I agree with this, and the more I think about this, the more I think this question can answer itself without any third-party advice: make art because you have to.
In other words, if quitting art means quitting yourself, don't quit art. That's probably stupid to say, because if quitting art means quitting yourself, you won't quit art.
Maybe it's good to stop for a while. It's the old "if you love something, set it free..." paradigm. If you stop making art and art is something you have to do, you'll start again -- because art is something you have to do.
I think many people fear quitting because they're afraid they'll be able to live without it. "If I quit and become an accountant -- and I'm HAPPY being an accountant, that means I was never really an artist to begin with!" Most artists (or would-be artists) secretly feel that artists are superior (or more interesting) than non-artists, and of course everyone wants to be part of the superior crowd. So if you've defined artists as superior, qutting (and finding happiness through quitting) means you're ordinary.
I totally reject the idea that artists are superior (in fact, I think this idea tends to damage art), but even if it were true, sticking by art because it makes you superior is not about making art -- it's not about making your art the best it can possibly be -- it's about ego.
I'm not saying that everyone who wants to do creative things must feel the urge to do so as a DEEP, COSMIC part of themselves all the time. I'm saying that the bests artists -- the people who first and foremost self-identify as art-makers -- feel this way. There are tons of other people who get immense pleasure making art as a hobby. In fact, I suspect these people often have more fun making art than then artists. (I hate doing theatre about half the time I do it. I feel compelled to do it, so I do it, but it's rarely about fun.)
So maybe if you stop, you'll find that you HAVE to do it. In which case you'll do it, regardless of whether or not anyone's paying you to do it; or maybe you'll find something else you like, but you'll still get joy out of music-making on the weekends; or maybe you'll quit making music altogether, but still feel happy. In which case you'll be happy, so who cares about the music (unless making music wasn't about making music -- unless it was about fame or sex or ego-boosting).
Finally, I think a bad reason to be an artist is because you don't know how to do anything else. I sympathize with this, because I used to think I was that way. And I have tons of friends who are that way. These people don't necessarily love making art. They just found their way into art-making early in life and never leared any marketable skills, so now they're stuck. The don't necessarily feel stuck (though they may feel poor), because they don't dislike making art. But you can tell they're not super-passionate about art, either.
People think they can't master new skills. They're wrong. It's never too late to learn a marketable skill. I learned how to program in my 30s, and now I'm a professional programmer.
About a year ago, I put theatre on hold. I didn't intend to quit. It was just that I got this new programming job, and it was keeping me really busy. It was also really fun and intellectually stimulating. I thought it served all my needs.
But I gradually started feeling antsy. I felt like something was missing: something that made me more me. It was a vague feeling, and I didn't really know what was missing. But I started making plans to direct another show, mostly to please my wife, who is an actress.
At first, I did this grudgingly, because I felt I was too busy with my job to direct a play. But one day, in the middle of casting, this great feeling of warmth fell over me. I felt like a peg slotting into its groove. Like I was coming home. And I realized what it was that I was missing.
Now I'm into production, and, as usual, I'm not enjoying it. I'm anxious and overworked and really looking forward to it being over ... when I know I'll start planning the next one, because... because I HAVE to.
posted by grumblebee at 9:02 AM on July 15, 2007
I agree with this, and the more I think about this, the more I think this question can answer itself without any third-party advice: make art because you have to.
In other words, if quitting art means quitting yourself, don't quit art. That's probably stupid to say, because if quitting art means quitting yourself, you won't quit art.
Maybe it's good to stop for a while. It's the old "if you love something, set it free..." paradigm. If you stop making art and art is something you have to do, you'll start again -- because art is something you have to do.
I think many people fear quitting because they're afraid they'll be able to live without it. "If I quit and become an accountant -- and I'm HAPPY being an accountant, that means I was never really an artist to begin with!" Most artists (or would-be artists) secretly feel that artists are superior (or more interesting) than non-artists, and of course everyone wants to be part of the superior crowd. So if you've defined artists as superior, qutting (and finding happiness through quitting) means you're ordinary.
I totally reject the idea that artists are superior (in fact, I think this idea tends to damage art), but even if it were true, sticking by art because it makes you superior is not about making art -- it's not about making your art the best it can possibly be -- it's about ego.
I'm not saying that everyone who wants to do creative things must feel the urge to do so as a DEEP, COSMIC part of themselves all the time. I'm saying that the bests artists -- the people who first and foremost self-identify as art-makers -- feel this way. There are tons of other people who get immense pleasure making art as a hobby. In fact, I suspect these people often have more fun making art than then artists. (I hate doing theatre about half the time I do it. I feel compelled to do it, so I do it, but it's rarely about fun.)
So maybe if you stop, you'll find that you HAVE to do it. In which case you'll do it, regardless of whether or not anyone's paying you to do it; or maybe you'll find something else you like, but you'll still get joy out of music-making on the weekends; or maybe you'll quit making music altogether, but still feel happy. In which case you'll be happy, so who cares about the music (unless making music wasn't about making music -- unless it was about fame or sex or ego-boosting).
Finally, I think a bad reason to be an artist is because you don't know how to do anything else. I sympathize with this, because I used to think I was that way. And I have tons of friends who are that way. These people don't necessarily love making art. They just found their way into art-making early in life and never leared any marketable skills, so now they're stuck. The don't necessarily feel stuck (though they may feel poor), because they don't dislike making art. But you can tell they're not super-passionate about art, either.
People think they can't master new skills. They're wrong. It's never too late to learn a marketable skill. I learned how to program in my 30s, and now I'm a professional programmer.
About a year ago, I put theatre on hold. I didn't intend to quit. It was just that I got this new programming job, and it was keeping me really busy. It was also really fun and intellectually stimulating. I thought it served all my needs.
But I gradually started feeling antsy. I felt like something was missing: something that made me more me. It was a vague feeling, and I didn't really know what was missing. But I started making plans to direct another show, mostly to please my wife, who is an actress.
At first, I did this grudgingly, because I felt I was too busy with my job to direct a play. But one day, in the middle of casting, this great feeling of warmth fell over me. I felt like a peg slotting into its groove. Like I was coming home. And I realized what it was that I was missing.
Now I'm into production, and, as usual, I'm not enjoying it. I'm anxious and overworked and really looking forward to it being over ... when I know I'll start planning the next one, because... because I HAVE to.
posted by grumblebee at 9:02 AM on July 15, 2007
This question hits home in more ways than I can express. I'm 35 and still dealing with this, so I can't pretend that I have the definitive answer. Here's what I've learned so far:
Some dreams are dreams worth turning into goals; others aren't. You may want to become a rock star (or Olympic athlete or Supreme Court justice or triple-black-belt karate badass or whatever) because you believe in the music that you are creating, you want to be the best that you can be at it, and you derive such joy and sustenance from it that you can't imagine a life without it. This dream is about what you are doing, on a day-to-day basis.
Or, you may have a fantasy of what a rock star life is all about, and you just want to be that person that exists in your fantasy life. This dream is about the fantasy that you have about being a particular kind of person.
It seems to me that the first dream is worth pursuing, because it involves doing things that satisfy you, give you joy and hope and sustenance, make this a life worth living. But the second sort of dream will always leave you dissatisfied, because even if you achieve that dream, chances are that you won't be the person that you think you were going to be. In many cases, achievement doesn't lead to satisfaction.
How do you determine what kind of dreams you have? Beats me. I'm still trying to figure that one out....
posted by googly at 4:56 PM on November 28, 2004
realism re: work http://ask.metafilter.com/241724/Who-has-second-thoughts-about-their-dream-job
Agreed with Jacqueline and Lescha on the importance of the work environment. Your "dream job" on paper will be a nightmare if you work in a toxic environment - and/or you are severely underpaid, have punishing work hours all the time (not just occasional crunch times), or a long commute - all these are career-killers IME.
OTOH even a dull-on-paper job or one that isn't especially prestigious can be enjoyable if you are treated well, paid decently, and have time to enjoy a life outside of work.
It took me years to figure this out. Now I pay more attention to the workplace than the job title. True, if you are doing work that you are fundamentally unsuited for, or is truly a bad fit, you will also be miserable, but working with non-toxic people in a company that pays you fairly and treats you well is something that can make up for a lot of dullness or "this is not my dream job."
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:36 AM on May 27 [1 favorite]
OTOH even a dull-on-paper job or one that isn't especially prestigious can be enjoyable if you are treated well, paid decently, and have time to enjoy a life outside of work.
It took me years to figure this out. Now I pay more attention to the workplace than the job title. True, if you are doing work that you are fundamentally unsuited for, or is truly a bad fit, you will also be miserable, but working with non-toxic people in a company that pays you fairly and treats you well is something that can make up for a lot of dullness or "this is not my dream job."
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:36 AM on May 27 [1 favorite]
You are lucky to be good at something and love it so much. Many people in this world never find that within themselves their entire life. If you give up on that because of any objective idea of what you should be doing, I would think that very tragic! Do what fulfills you.